Conflict Owner's Manual
we show how your conflict competencies help you do conflict better.
Our logo is a dandelion because conflict is like a weed you don't want in the garden. Since it's there you want to know how to manage it, keep it from spreading, and feel good about how you dealt with it.
Dr. Deborah Sword is a specialist in conflict analysis and management. Tyson Bankert is a community facilitator and artist. We have decades of experience and training in helping people expand their conflict competencies.
Episodes
112 episodes
113 What stops you listening and how to fix it
Are you more polite to strangers than to friends? Do friends trigger you in ways that co-workers don't? Why do you listen and react differently to your loved one than with a friend? Listening is one of the greatest gifts we can give...
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Season 4
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Episode 113
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8:01
112 What's a good breakup?
Have you ever dumped a friend? Did you do it well? Would the dumped friend agree you did it well? Or, have you stayed friends with someone for a reason other than enjoying their company? We discuss some conflict competencies for breaking up wit...
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Season 4
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Episode 112
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8:06
111 The benefits you get from trying to be conflict competent
Sure, there are lots of benefits to handling your conflicts competently. And there's also effort involved. How do you stay motivated enough to make that effort? Tyson and Deborah chat about the conflict competencies acquired from the effort of ...
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Season 4
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Episode 111
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7:38
110 How is your relatability a conflict competence?
Do you want to be so likeable that you never have conflict? Is your goal to be so nice that any conflict is either avoided or is resolved as fast as possible? We suggest that being relatable might be the conflict competency you're looking for.<...
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Season 4
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Episode 110
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5:35
108 What benefits do you get from conflict competence?
How do you feel during and after you have a conflict? Our goal is for you to manage your conflicts well enough that you don't feel bad, awful, or regret. You'll do conflict better when you know the real issue that's the problem, and then choose...
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Season 4
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Episode 108
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6:16
109 What conflict competencies help when you're overwhelmed
These are overwhelming and complex times, with demands on our time and resources from many directions. Sometimes, you need help sorting out how to address your internal conflicts. We demonstrate a process, name some conflict competencies to use...
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Season 4
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Episode 109
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5:09
106 How do you conduct a conflict communication audit
A conflict communication audit takes a lot of context and factors into account. But all of those factors are within your control. In this second episode about conflict communication audits, (listen to episode 107 for the first part) are five co...
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Season 4
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Episode 106
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7:15
107 Have you done your conflict communication audit?
Perhaps you ask: "What's a conflict communication audit and why do one?" It isn't like a corporate communication audit of executive memos and such. Do you understand how you show up in a conflict? Your conflict communication audit includes your...
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Season 4
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Episode 107
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6:06
105 Resolution emerges from owning your conflict
Here's what's unique about this podcast: Our belief is that you already have skills to manage conflict. We help you practice your skills, so you improve your conflict competencies. Rather than focusing on resolving any particular confl...
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Season 4
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Episode 105
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7:02
104 Superman's intentions are a conflict competence
The movie, Superman, is a fun practice tool for analyzing how intentions matter in conflicts. As you intend, your actions follow. As Superman fights Lex Luthor's metahumans on the battlefield, they also wage a media war of words to win public b...
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Season 4
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Episode 104
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9:49
103 What are conflict competent responses to being offended?
It's achieved international newsworthiness that people are offending and being offended, cancelling and being cancelled, silent and being silenced. The headlines exist because someone insists that they have the only correct opinion. And, it mig...
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Season 4
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Episode 103
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9:52
102 How is 'owning' your conflict a different skillset than resolving conflict?
Would you like to have the secret to resolving your conflict? The secret is: improve your conflict competency so you have skills to handle almost any conflict. No model or script is needed for the skills we encourage you to practice and use. Th...
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Season 4
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Episode 102
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5:26
100 What elite athletes can teach about conflict competence
Elite athletes heal faster and manage pain better than most people. We can apply their techniques to improve our conflict competence and manage conflicts better than most people. So, what are those techniques, and how can we apply them to confl...
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Season 4
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Episode 100
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3:29
101 Are you missing opportunities to talk before you judge (and are judged)?
When someone posts about a conflict on social media, they can expect comments and judgment to pile on. Did the person who posted talk to the other parties in the conflict before asking everyone in cyberspace to judge? In this conflict analysis ...
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Season 4
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Episode 101
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10:55
98 What does it mean to own your conflict, and how do you own it?
Why would you want to own your conflict? When you don’t manage yourself in conflict, do you make the situation worse? Here are three steps to take towards owning your conflict, so that you can be the conflict competent person you want to be.
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Season 4
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Episode 98
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4:43
99 Not every conflict has to become a fight
We recorded this episode before this week's political assassination, but as I listen to the recording before posting it, that's what I think about. If we reduce a human being to just their politics, or to a single trait, or to one note of their...
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Season 4
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Episode 99
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9:03
97 How to use cartoons to practice conflict competence
You can practice conflict competence almost anywhere, using every interaction, even characters' dialogue in cartoons. Using two cartoons as examples, we analyze the scripts for the opportunities to understand each other that the characters miss...
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Season 4
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Episode 97
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11:46
96 Did your simple conflict get complicated fast?
Some conflicts expand beyond their origin story, so you lose track of who started the conflict, and what your original conflict conflict goals were. That's conflict creep, where conflict exceeds the simpler scope and more limited objectives you...
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Season 3
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Episode 96
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6:18
95 The good, bad, and ugly of being avoided
What skills help in a conflict where you're willing to talk but the other person is avoiding you? We discuss conflict styles, so that you can choose what's most conflict competent to use in the context, situation, and relationship.
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Season 3
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Episode 95
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11:09
94 What's the harm of a polarized conflict?
Even regular folks like us are affected by this era of polarized conflict. It isn't just politics and social media that has become polarized in how conflicts play out. What does it mean for our personal relationships and ourselves personally wh...
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Season 3
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Episode 94
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5:50
93 The good, bad, and ugly of competing as a conflict competency
You have at least five conflict management styles available to use, depending on the context and the relationship. Your conflict competency is using the most appropriate conflict management style for the situation, and the outcome you hope to a...
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Season 3
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Episode 93
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9:13
92 How to talk about workplace conflict at a job interview
What does a good wellness program at work offer? The 2024, Wellhub State of Work-life Wellness Report lists some of the benefits of a good wellness program. Mostly missing is the benefit of a good conflict management system. Here are tips for d...
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Season 3
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Episode 92
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3:29
91 The good, bad, and ugly of compromising as a conflict competency
We continue exploring the conflict management styles you have available to use, depending on the context and the relationship. Your conflict competency is using the most appropriate conflict management style for the situation, and the outcome y...
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Season 3
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Episode 91
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8:58
90 What is a conflict management mindset?
You use your conflict competencies in every conflict. You can choose how your conflict competency and managing conflict work together. The key is your awareness of your conflict management mindset. Here are a few tips for powering the mindset t...
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Season 3
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Episode 90
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4:32
89 The good, bad, and ugly of accommodating as a conflict competency
There is no 'best' conflict management style to use in all contexts and for all relationships. Your conflict competency is using the most appropriate conflict management style for the situation, the context, and the relationship.You have...
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Season 3
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Episode 89
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8:27