Conflict Owner's Manual
Indispensable tips for developing your conflict competence in episodes of ten minutes or less, so you can do conflict better.
Our logo is a dandelion because conflict is like a weed you don't want in the garden. But since it's there, you want to know how to manage it, keep it from spreading, and feel good about how you dealt with it.
Episodes
30 episodes
31 Is conflict competence a "soft" skill
Conflict competence is on almost every top ten list for success at work, for relationships and in life. Is conflict competence a hard skill, a soft skill or both?
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Season 2
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Episode 31
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4:14
30 What is the role of context in conflict?
When conflict happens, it may look like a simple, one or two issue problem between two or three people. Often, there's more going on than appears on the surface. Context is the environment in which conflict moves.
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Season 2
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Episode 30
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6:02
29 When conflicts outgrow their original boundaries
Some conflict start small, like you helpfully mention that someone didn't wash a dish, and whoa, it blows into a contest over who never cleans up and who always leaves a mess everywhere. Maybe you weren't looking at the conflict the same ways f...
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Season 2
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Episode 29
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6:34
28 What's the problem with agreeing to disagree?
When persuasion and arguing haven't helped heal a disagreement, you might "agree to disagree" and change the subject. Is there a downside to leaving an argument this way? Deborah suggests trying conflict competent options.
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Season 2
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Episode 28
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5:34
27 Are pessimists more conflict competent than optimists?
Both pessimism and optimism have strengths and weaknesses in conflict. There's power in pessimism and value in optimism for the conflict competent.
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5:49
26 Is aggression a conflict competency?
It's tempting to be aggressive to achieve the conflict outcome you prefer. Deborah demonstrates that there are other approaches that are more likely to get results you want.
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Season 2
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Episode 26
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4:50
25 Are your conflicts complex, uncertain and heavy with variables?
As much as people in conflict want to know the consequences of their decisions before they decide, the answer to most conflict questions is: it depends. There are ways to deal with uncertainty, and improve your conflict competence.
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Season 1
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Episode 25
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5:57
24 Who is correct when opinions differ? This simple exercise helps you know.
Sometimes, when people quarrel about whose opinion is correct and who is wrong, I use a simple easy demonstration. Afterwards, they still might not agree who has the best opinion, but they will agree that each of their opinions depends on where...
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Season 1
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Episode 24
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4:05
23 What should you do when the other person's opinion is 'wrong'
Conflicts over disagreeable opinions get personal so fast, and, too often, they get insulting. How can you hold such a wrong opinion, you may ask them? Here's an alternative that lets the discussion over opinions stay civil instead of turning i...
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Season 1
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Episode 23
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7:44
22 Three ways to change your conflict pattern
Conflicts follow patterns. Changing your conflict patterns improves your conflict competence. Here are three different approaches to changing your conflict pattern. Try all three. Use whichever works for you. You’ll be glad you did.
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Season 1
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Episode 22
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3:23
21 If you dread the family dinner, try these for fun
Close friends and family members can trigger your heated reactions even when you like or love each other. They think they know you even when you've grown past their image of you. You defend yourself even when you want to not react. We offer a s...
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Season 1
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Episode 21
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5:04
20 How to turn conversation competence into conflict competence
Conflict overwhelms your calm conversational skills that connect you to the other person. So, how do you stay in touch with your calm conversational competence, to carry it into conflict competence? Deborah shows you how to hack your conversati...
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Season 1
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Episode 20
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3:53
19 Whose permission do you need to be conflict competent?
It's great to have norms, manners, policy and structure that foster healthy relationships. But - if those aren't supporting your efforts, you can give yourself permission to be a role model for conflict competence. Here's how.
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Season 1
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Episode 19
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5:07
18 How to lower the heat with your conflict script
Change your conflict script; change your conflict. Here's a creative way to rewrite your conflict script to skip the conflict part of the script. Deborah shows her method for changing the future conflict by changing the present script.
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Season 1
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Episode 18
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3:05
17 Are disappointed expectations causing your conflicts?
When you expect something and it doesn't happen, who's to blame? What better ways are there to have your expectations met to your satisfaction? We discuss how to prevent conflict from disappointed expectations.
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Season 1
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Episode 17
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5:33
16 Does bias influence your decision making in conflict?
Conflict drops a lot of decisions on you, and there's no perfect decision that guarantees the outcome you prefer. Your decisions in conflict depend on many factors, some of which are out of your control. When you think about bias limiting or he...
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Season 1
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Episode 16
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3:23
15 Has that conflict really ended your relationship?
When does a relationship end? At the breakup over a conflict? Or when you stop reliving it in your mind? After the breakup, do you go over what happened, supplying all the dialogue with brilliant responses you wish you had at the time the...
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Season 1
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Episode 15
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5:48
14 How to get your conflict competence to rise
Taking emotional risks in conflict is like a leavening agent that helps your conflict competence rise. In this mini-cast, Deborah discusses how you can combine your skills like ingredients in a recipe.
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Season 1
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Episode 14
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2:13
13 What common expressions are conflict competent?
Words we use show others how we view the world. If common expressions use fighting and battle language, what does that say about our mindset, and what common words would convey peace instead? Deborah and Tyson have suggestions.
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Season 1
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Episode 13
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5:13
12 Try this easy exercise to expand your conflict competence
There isn't one perfect way to get the result you want in a conflict, so it's helpful to have options. Here's an exercise that can give you more strategies for defusing situations, and managing conflicts. Deborah shares an entertaining and easy...
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Season 1
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Episode 11
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3:15
11 What is Dialogue in conflict?
Dial down conflict heat with Dialogue as a process. When high emotion makes dialogue for resolution seem impossible, try process Dialogue. Deborah and Tyson discuss how that works.
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Season 1
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Episode 11
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9:26
10 How does integrating ideas help manage conflict?
Integrating subjective and objective ideas helps the conflict analysis of your thinking, your assumptions, the context, and other variables that affect your conflict.
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Season 1
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Episode 10
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3:32
9 Conflict when the goals are the same
Even when you agree on almost everything, you can still have conflict over the details. You may all want the same thing and disagree over how to accomplish your goal. Deborah and Tyson discuss what to do about it.
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Season 1
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Episode 9
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9:59